Monday, May 3, 2010

Why I'm doing this - Round 2

I originally said that my weight loss goals were motivated by vanity.  I didn't like wearing a bathing suit and I couldn't shop designer clothes because I was right on the edge of being too big to wear them, and most designer duds aren't meant for a pile of curves like mine anyway.

All of that is still true.  And vanity a great motivator.  I tried on an old pair of size 8 leather jeans today.  The last time I tried them on, they didn't fit.  Too small.  Well today, they still don't fit because they're too big!  I won't lie -- I fist pumped for that.

Physically, I'm in really good shape.  I'm not going to say I can do absolutely everything I want to do, but the presence or absence of fifteen pounds isn't going to change that.  I've got ambitious physical goals, and they require dedication and loads of gym time to meet, but they don't really need weight loss.

Today I came up with another reason for my weight loss.  Control.  I want to be in control of my body and in control of how I feel about it.  Before I started this project I was holding my weight steady around 162ish, and honestly I'm shocked.  I can't believe that given what I was eating (and drinking!) I didn't weigh 200.  I want to be able to step on the scale and know why it says what it does.  I want to be able to be confident that I'll see the number I want every day.  I want to know that the choices I'm making around my food and my lifestyle are the right ones instead of guessing.  And I want to get these healthy habits ingrained now, while I'm still relatively young and single and living alone. 

I read other weight loss blogs and there are some people out there doing amazing things.  Raising kids and fighting bankruptcy and fixing marriages and handling a two year migraine and losing weight!  I have nothing but the utmost respect and admiration for all of them, but that's not who I want to be.  I don't want to be a hero.  I don't want to overcome monolithic adversity to achieve my goals.  I'm lazy, and I want to take the easy way out.*

Also, I'm 26 and I've never been the proverbial hot chick.  A combination of depression, fear of attention, an antipathy towards most of humanity (left over from my teenage years) and a complete ignorance of the rules of fashion and makeup meant that when I had a body to rock, I didn't rock it.  But now I'm old(er), wise(r), and much less poor, which means I can get into much more and much more exciting trouble.  Time to celebrate my life.

*I am pretty sure that no one I know in real life reads this blog.  But if I implied in real life that working out 5 days per week and counting every calorie was easy, I'd be laughed out of the room.  So I'm not saying that.  I'm just saying it's easier to do all those things now than later.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, vanity is a great motivator! You don't hear too many people say that round these parts. Good to hear! Here's to becoming the hot chick! Fist pump, hahaha.